New Blog

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Hear my voice, O God...

It's been hard for me to post lately. I'm in a weird place right now. I'm truly being tested. Being challenged. I think I'm a little stretched right now, trying to do too much, trying to be everything to everybody, yet know that I'm not being the best wife and mother and SELF that I can be. I'm letting minister, nurse, and student supercede my family... and most of all God. I'm feeling such a disconnect, like something outside trying to take control of me. I don't feel joy at church, so I need to do SOMETHING to get my joy back.

Really, I'm not looking for any sympathy. I'm just trying to get some balance... a handle on my life... I need to re-commit... again, to my devotional life. It's so easy to get off track... the enemy is trying to get me off track so I can't focus on doing what God has called me to do.

My prayer this week is from Psalm 64:1,2:
1Hear my voice, O God, in my prayer: preserve my life from fear of the enemy.

2Hide me from the secret counsel of the wicked; from the insurrection of the workers of iniquity:
God, forgive me for all the times that I haven't come to you first. Forgive me from losing my grip on you. Father, I know what I'm here for... Thank you for all the things that you have shown me and told me. Thank you for the favor on my life. Thank you for my family. God thank you for friends and co-workers that I can pray with and talk with, after I have talked with you. Thank you for showing me my destiny. Reveal to me what it is that you would have me do. Protect my life and my loved ones lives, oh God. O, protect my enemies oh, God. Let your justice reign here on earth. Allow me to do your will. Anoint me, set me aside God so that I might be a blessing to someone else. Father, you are so awesome...If I had ten thousand tongues, it wouldn't be enough... hallelujah to your name Jesus... thank you, thank you.... thank you... in Jesus' name I pray... So be it...

CONFUSION...no, no, no, no... (Public Enemy, if you didn't recognize.)

You ever see things go so wrong, that it points you in the right direction? Ever been somewhere where NOTHING makes sense... I mean nothing... constantly... You begin to get used to the nonsense. If someone does something that does make sense, it hits you by surprise.
I'm glad that I know Jesus. If I didn't know him, I don't know where I would be. He convicts me when I need convicting, He consoles me when I need consoling, and he loves me when I need love... Even when I don't realize that I need it. I have a goal in sight. I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. (Phil 3:14)
I have to keep him in focus. I have to look at all the good things in my life. There are lots of good things. Sometimes the distractions keep you looking at God and all the good and great things he has done.

I heard a preacher say recently that sometimes we are chasing after things that God is trying to take out of our lives. We have some junk that we need to get rid of. We've been holding on to it too long. I am determined to get rid of that stuff and focus on furthering God's Kingdom. That is my purpose here on Earth. That is my destiny...I know what I'm here for...

God is still in the miracle making business

I've been a nurse for a long time. I've seen a lot of death. Been in lots of emergency situations... But yesterday I was in a "code" for over 3 hours... I really didn't think that this guy was going to make it. I prayed... as I was working frantically... we defibrillated, or shocked him over 20 times... It was unreal...
The man is off of life support, totally with it, talking and smiling... less than 24 hours after the incident. He is not supposed to be here. He was blessed to have even made into the hospital before just dropping dead somewhere. I've never seen anything like it. I saw him today and it almost brought tears to my eyes... He reminded me why I do this day in and day out. He is a miracle...
It's funny... some of my administrative coworkers seemed like they were patting themselves on the back for "saving a life." They need to check themselves, because the situation yesterday was not the smoothest situation. I went back today to see what it is that I could have done better. I realize that I am just a conduit that works through. I am convinced that God gives knowledge and wisdom to people. I am convinced that this man is alive for a reason. He has a purpose in his life... I don't know what it is, but God knows and will reveal it to him...
That man is not supposed to be here... Praise God for His healing power... Praise God for His grace and mercy, which endureth forever...

Frustration...

Have you ever been so disappointed in someone that you care about that it effects everything that you do? You try to shake it, but it just keeps coming back? I am at a strange place right now. I am frustrated, trying to do my assignment, the assignment that God has given me, but I keep running into a road block... I have to stay focused on who has given me the assignment. I have to remember that I am here to serve God, to help further His Kingdom... It's hard sometimes. I want to get an A on my assignment. I want to hear "well done, my good and faithful servant..."
I know everything will work out. It's just hard when the people who you think are for you, sometimes are against you... you don't know if it is on purpose... it just hurts...

Christian Ethics

This class that I am taking, Christian Ethics, is awesome! It is an online class, so there is no real interaction. Actually the interaction on the discussion board is quite disturbing, because I can't figure out what most people are talking about as they are not basing their discussion on the readings... The book is awesome. It's not easy reading, but it has some really good stuff in it. I'm looking at the whole world differently now. The part that is cool to me is the part about how rules are based on principles and that rules can be overridden by principles...Hence the spirit of the law vs of the letter of the law. The Pharisees vs Jesus' interpretation of the Law and Prophets is a key issue. Jesus came to fulfill the law, not end the law.
Anyway, let me get back to my reading... needed to rest my brain cells just a bit...

sorry I've been away...

I haven't been posting as much lately. Life has been getting away from me. School just started and I really don't know how this semester is going to go. I've never done an online program before and there doesn't seem to be much guidance. I just have to trust God on this one... I'll try to post more often...